Met up with Pastor J recently to have another session of conversation. This time round I shared with him ten years and earlier. I recalled my days with CP and how the many episodes with the Senior Pastors and the many things that happened during those years. It is interesting that what seemed so important a matter then…when you look back now they seem so trivial. They are now so unimportant that we don’t even talk about it. This is really very strange. I guess at each stage of our lives, different things would mean differently to us. In fact different events in life will also have different significant at different time. Its so amazing life can be. I also shared with him what I went through…my ups and downs over the past 10 years. I have been through a lot and I really thank God that I am still standing tall before Him and before men. Indeed, for the past so many years, God has been my ever-present help in times of need. Without Him I am nothing…with Him I can do all things.
One particular thing that I shared with Pastor J was my very hard lesson of thinking that I could do all these without God. How foolish I was! I thought that I could achieve success without God in my life. I was so wrong. God had to hit me real hard to get my attention back. I am so thankful to God that He went all the way to get my attention. When I was wayward, He was the one who went all out…at all cost…to catch my attention and draw me back to Himself. Who am I for God Almighty to do such a thing? But He did! How can anyone say that there is no God when God is so real in my life! I grew to understand that THE LORD GIVES AND THE LORD TAKES AWAY…BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD! Do not undermine His sovereignty! He is more real then you think He is. He can give you all the things you want or ever wanted. But within a snap of His fingers, He can make all that gone. He did that for Job and He will do it to anyone for the sake of His sovereignty! Is He a jealous God…Yes He is! Is He a self-glorifying God? Yes He is! As John Piper puts it….God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. Sometimes God have to bring us to the darkest valley so that we can be most satisfied in Him. Only then can He be most glorified! Strange isn’t it. It sounds like the God of the Bible is some super-ego being. Say what you may, He is God. That’s sovereignty!
I also shared about the possibility of going into Full Time Ministry. I know that my heart’s desire is to serve God in His service. I know that I can also serve God as a teacher, in the marketplace. But I just feel that my place is not in the marketplace. I want to do more for Him. I want to do more for His glory! Trust me, I am not God’s best candidate in this! I never think that I am His best candidate. But I am willing to be just a doorkeeper in His house! Even the sparrow have found a place in the house of God…just put me in one corner of His house to serve Him. That I am most satisfied.
That’s all for now. I am so excited about my Bhutan trip this coming Sunday. May the Lord grant me many new revelations as I continue to journey with Him!