6 Days

Today is suppose to be the sixth day of my road to recovery. Which means today is the last day. It’s also my last day in Korat until I return again either this Nov or Jan 2013. There is a lot of interesting development here in Korat and although I don’t quite like the place I felt that the Lord seems to be compelling me to come to this city. There is a counter offer to have me here by this Nov. I am not sure if I want to take up the offer. Everything seems to be falling in place and like I mentioned it is compelling me to come here.

But when I go back to Singapore, I have so many things that I need to settle and my mind has not been at rest at all. I am trying so hard to rest my mine but its so difficult. I am thinking of work, thinking of the things that I have to face and my family members…I also need to face with myself . It’s coming from everywhere. My mind is not at rest….not at all!

I had a conversation with Pastor J and one question really hit me very hard. Will I ever forgive myself? My answer to him is no. At this point of time, I don’t think I can forgive myself. How can I ever forgive myself when I have hurt a someone who has been my pillar and support during my difficult time? I am not sure if I will live with this unforgiveness….I am really not sure.

the gatekeeper

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