This morning I woke up normally, as usual for work. Toffee again greeted me in the morning and I did what I normally have to do, wash up, feed Toffee and etc….
As I was walking to school, and as usual, listening to my Christian songs in Mandarin. However, something unusual happened this morning. It is unusual becase it is divine. As I was listening to my songs and worshipping the Lord in the morning, my mind was thinking of the arrest of a local pastor of a mega church who misused the church fund. He was arrested yesterday I believe. As this flash through my mind, I suddenly felt a very strong sense of the Presence of God around me. Its not just a feeling….God was there! His Presence was with me so strongly….I almost wanted to go back home and spend the day worshipping God! With the Presence of God I felt lots of energy vibes in me….my heart was so filled with praises to God and I wished I could sing out loud His praise and thanksgiving.
He is the Alpha and Omega!
He is the Coming King!
He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!
He is the Living Water!
He is the Rose of Sharon!
He is the Good Shepherd!
He is the Great I AM
Finally the Viet trip has come to an end. This is the trip that started at Paul, Takashimaya and ended at MacDonald T3 for me. This is truly and amazing trip. I must say that this is one of the best Vietnam trips I ever had. There’s so much of talking and thinking and discovering during the trip. The second day of the trip I got angry with how the trip was run. Thank God that we trash it out that same evening and everything was settled after which. As a matter of fact, the third day onwards, I was so elated. We were on a Mekong Delta tour and the tour was a very refreshing one. I love the river and I buried a lot of emotions and sentiment into the river. Perhaps memories as well. Towards the end of the Mekong Delta tour, Shu Shu and I were just laughing and laughing over many things. I was singing praises to God and I really rejoiced over God’s grace and love over me and the whole team. It was in Mekong Delta that I truly 放下了！I felt so freaking good about it and my joy was so full. 我好喜乐！The Mekong Delta tour was an amazing one. Never felt that the river can be so magical and miraculous. I never felt that the river can have such healing effects on me. I think it healed many of us as well. The same night, we went to the Jazz club at Le Loi and trust me I really enjoyed myself there. The music was good and the company was great as well. I really must apologise to didi when he tried to ask me for opinion about prices and where to shop for this and that. For once, I ‘pang seh’ him a while and truly enjoy myself in the club. I told him that I will settle his shopping tomorrow and asked him to trust me to do that the next day. I want to tell didi that I am normally not like that hor…. That was a different night….I guess that was the night how things began for me….hahaha
The next day was even more exciting. After sending didi and librarian to CuChi Tunnel, we went on our own city tour, moving around the city and drinking coffee and chatting and talking about many things. It was really great talking to Shu Shu about many things. After the trip, I have known Shu Shu very differently. I must say that our friendship has gone up many levels and our sharing becomes very deep over the next few days. The same night we went to the Chill Sky Bar in AB building. That was a bloody crazy night for the five of us, except didi and librarian. It couldn’t get any more crazy than this le. Almost all of us got drunk and I was drunk that I just fell asleep after. JH vomitted several times. But we were really happy….we were ecstatic! We were all crazy! Hahahaha.
The next day, I met up with Sister Beatrice and was glad to see her as healthy as before. I don’t know about the rest but Shu Shu shared how the place has touched him. He couldn’t explain it but he knew that the place has touched him. I believe it is the presence of God in the place bah.
There is so much to write about for this trip….simply too many things. Let me just conclude that God was in this trip. I think the trip is so unique that it has to be God. What an amazing Vietnam trip!
First of all, I would like to thank everyone who have prayed for me and with me during these few months of depressing loneliness. I don’t know what else to say except ‘thank you’. Honestly without your prayers, I don’t think I will be able to pull through this very difficult part of my life. Although at this point of time, I still cannot understand God’s greater purpose in putting me through this, I am sure that one day I will know and He will show why.
I think the most important people in this whole incident is my PLC group. In many many ways I am indebted to them. During those season of dark loneliness, I have walked out of them and still they did not really blame me. I needed to walk out so that I can go find healing for myself so that I can come back quickly to do something for people whom I have hurt. I thank God again for people who have saw me through during the recovery stage and ‘talked’ to me during my anguish and depression. I am so grateful that even though I walked out of them and wrongs that I have done, they are still willing to accept me and give me another chance to believe in me. To me that’s grace. To me that is so important. I will never take this grace for granted and I will treasure whatever that I have with them. Honestly, I read the SMS from DiDi over and over again and I am really so grateful to him and all. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for accepting me again. Thank you for reconciling with me. I sincerely thank God for each and individual one of you….my DiDi, Shu Shu, JH, Librarian and Miss E. Thank you all…. Like I said, 我们走的方向是祝福的方向。我们走过的每个地方，每一寸土地就是天堂。Let us celebrate the friendship that we have….让我们为这分友谊欢呼！
Once again, I thank my God for each one of you….thank you!
Today is suppose to be the sixth day of my road to recovery. Which means today is the last day. It’s also my last day in Korat until I return again either this Nov or Jan 2013. There is a lot of interesting development here in Korat and although I don’t quite like the place I felt that the Lord seems to be compelling me to come to this city. There is a counter offer to have me here by this Nov. I am not sure if I want to take up the offer. Everything seems to be falling in place and like I mentioned it is compelling me to come here.
But when I go back to Singapore, I have so many things that I need to settle and my mind has not been at rest at all. I am trying so hard to rest my mine but its so difficult. I am thinking of work, thinking of the things that I have to face and my family members…I also need to face with myself . It’s coming from everywhere. My mind is not at rest….not at all!
I had a conversation with Pastor J and one question really hit me very hard. Will I ever forgive myself? My answer to him is no. At this point of time, I don’t think I can forgive myself. How can I ever forgive myself when I have hurt a someone who has been my pillar and support during my difficult time? I am not sure if I will live with this unforgiveness….I am really not sure.