A Breakthrough

For those who have been following my blog, you should know by now that I was going through a difficult time of my life. I must say and declare for today that I have experienced a major breakthrough in this situation. This afternoon after my visits to the various schools, I started crying and crying over many things. I miss the group that I always hang out with. I groaned over the pain and hurts that I have caused on people whom I really care. I asked God for His forgiveness. I know different people would take this breakthrough very differently. I know some people may even question the genuineness of the whole episode. Some people may even question the breakthrough. The fact is, because of this dark moment, I have done things that I am not supposed to do. I have made mistakes that I am not supposed to. I have hurt people whom I care a lot and I have caused them much pain and disappointment. I want to reconcile with them. I want to seek the forgiveness of these people. This will be a very difficult task but I know that I have to undertake this uphill task in order to see full liberation, not just for me, but also people whom I have hurt and caused pain.

I realized that I have been hiding. I have not been able to come face to face with my mistakes. And I need to come face to face with the wrongs that I have done and the people whom I have hurt. I need to face them. Yes, what is done cannot be undone…but I hope against hope that there will be a miracle in this reconciliation. I hope against hope that the people whom I have hurt and caused pain will once again accept me. I know that it’s not easy on their part as well. It’s not easy to trust the person that tried to harm you. I do hope that people will give me another chance to believe in me and trust in me. I don’t know how is that possible but I am going to give it a try.

I don’t feel lonely anymore. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need friends and buddies. I do need them. I hope that people whom I have hurt can give me a chance to compensate. I really hope that I can be given that second chance to prove myself again. Everybody deserves a second chance. This is going to be difficult. This is going to be tough. But its something that I need to do. Its something that I need to go through. It’s a cross that I have to bear. God, help me to do this.

the gatekeeper

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