I must say that it’s been a wonderful time getting to know some of you in my lorong over the past few months. I understand that more often, I give people the impression of “Back off! Leave me alone!”. Yup, perhaps the reason why people have that kind of impression of me is that I have been around for many years in this place and must be a veteran here. The truth of the matter is things aren’t always a bed of roses to me all these years….or 10 years. When I saw the fax return of your resignation letter, my first feeling was “You have done something that I struggled to do many years back”. I am not trying to make you a hero here but if you have the time to read through my blogs all these years, teaching has never been easy for me. I never thought that teachers will shoot each other down in a way that’s so hard to imagine. I always thought that teachers are the champions of characters and they are the standard of morality and values. But I was totally wrong when I was shot down by people in a way so scrupulous that till today I still don’t know what exactly had happened. Well, I was a young teacher and I still remember how I sat in the conference with 4 of them hurling words of accusations at me. I felt like a lamb to the slaughter. I was silent. Somehow, deep within me, I heard the voice of God telling me to be silent.
When I came out of the conference room, my dream and aspiration of education in general was totally shattered. I realised for the first time in my career that I am in a real world. I felt like crying out, but I knew that in a real world you don’t cry. I withheld my tears. I wanted to go back to cry, but I knew that I couldn’t let my family know that things are bad. In the end, I didn’t cry. I didn’t allow myself to fall down. Not to bore you with my tragedy as a teacher, I would cut my story short. Anyway, what really pulled me out of this miry situation is what a friend told me. He said to me don’t ever let anything that happened to tell you that you are a lousy teacher. His words are still ringing in my mind….everytime when I really feel very down about myself. I will always tell myself that I may not be that best teacher…but I am definitely not a lousy teacher. I believe in what I am doing and I will keep the faith till the end.
JH, you have a dream. You really do have a dream. Don’t let that dream shatter. Don’t let your dream be blown away by what happened over the past few years or months. I am so glad that even when everyone think that I am a below-average teacher, I have friends and buddies who believe in me and trusted me. You too have many friends around you who believe in your talent and your passion. Don’t let them down….don’t let yourself down. I know that you are going away soon but that doesn’t mean that you cannot fulfill your dream elsewhere. Going out is not always a bad thing. Go see the world…go experience something different…but do come back before winter… even if you have to pull yourself through winter…remember that you don’t have to go through winter alone.
Ok, that’s all for now. Write to you again before winter comes. I wish you all the best for everything and remember home is only a stone throw away. I will be writing to the rest soon.