It is this time of the year that deserving civil servants get their promotion. Indeed, congratulation to all who got their promotion and may the Lord continue to enable them to soar a greater height for our students and nation. As for me, I have lots of mixed feelings. I have been thinking about leaving the school and move on to another working environment that I am not familiar all together. Sometimes I feel that I am just too familiar with everything in the school and things have become very mundane and very boring. I do not know where to find the height and the excitement of my job…neither do I know where to seek for any encouragement. I do not feel that I still have a purpose in this school. Or what else can I give to this school? I must admit that with the new Principal, things have changed so much. I have never seen a Principal so dedicated and so committed to the well-being of the students. I certainly have lots to learn from her, such an experience educator. But I also feel that, after all the lesson times and meetings and whatsoever, what else do I have left?
A wounded soldier is what I will describe myself to be. Sad to say that but I have been wounded, injured….tattered. So many years in this school I have not accomplished much for my students, for my fellow colleagues and perhaps for myself. I am indeed just a wage earner. I report to work. I sign in everyday…I work…and I knock off….and I get paid. Perhaps like the Preacher said, "All things are wearisome…" (Ecc 1:8). Sometimes our toiling and sweating come to nothing and meaningless. Sometimes I really do not what have I done to impact these students’ lives? Or have done anything at all? Or have I cause more harm then good?
I cannot find a direction at the moment. I really don’t think that anyone in this school can at the moment provide me with a clear direction. Maybe I am just too familiar here. So familiar that to some extend I don’t wish to see any changes to anything. So I need a change. I need to put myself in a situation where I will strive and move on….where I will force myself to change too….
Let me just continue to think about it….and seek the Lord for a direction….perhaps things will be clearer the next time I post my thoughts on my blog….