PPP Reflection 2:
It’s been about a week since I wrote my first reflection on the theme of pain, perplexity and promotion. As I mentioned in my PPP Reflection 1, I will be sharing some of my personal experiences and hope that it will shed some light in our understanding of how God works through and in our lives. My long period of darkness came about at the peak of my ministry as a worship leader in my previous church. It’s strange, it was during a time when God was using me tremendously in ministering to His people through praise the worship that I plunged into a deep darkness in my spiritual life. Some would like to call it a burn out….but I don’t agree with that. I was very familiar with tears and I spent many many times crying before the Lord God during altar call. Many concerned brothers and sisters had no idea why I was in such sorrowful state. Honestly at that point of time I did not know why too. Many came forward to pray for me…console me…comfort me…but to no avail.
This went on until Pastor Bob Sorge came to our church. He shed light on many things that I was going through. I will spare you the details here. With his ministry, I began to read one of his books, Pain, Perplexity and Promotion. It’s not a book that I found the answer of my darkness. In fact, all that the book did was to point me to the ultimate answer…that is the Book of Job in the Holy Bible. I read the Book of Job at least seven times and it was the only book that I read during my inner darkness years. So, if you are going through great difficulty in your spiritual walk with God, READ THE BOOK OF JOB.
Let me share with you the first shocking truth about the Book of Job and the Christian Life. It was totally mind blasting for me. As a matter of fact, this shocking truth shattered all the things I know about God. I thought I knew Him. So like Apostle Peter at the trial of Jesus, suddenly I did not know who God is! This truth is (in the words of Bob Sorge in Pain, Perplexity and Promotion) the entire saga that is about to unfold (between Satan and God Almighty) is the result of God’s initiation, not Satan’s. From start to finish this whole thing is God’s idea. The first chapter of the Book of Job tells us that God was the one who offered Job to Satan. Job was well. Everything was very very well for Job. He was rich, famous, righteous, godly and blameless. He loved God and he served God with his whole heart. But yet, God offered him to Satan, and I quote, "The Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." The more shocking thing is that Job was being offered because he was good! So God was basically picking a fight with Satan at the expense of His own servant.
Okay, fine. He did it. God did it. For what? It seems that God is showing us how He uses difficult and painful situations in the lives of His holy saints, who have qualified for spiritual advancement because of their faithfulness and obedience, in order to bring them to a greater and higher dimension of spiritual reality. Well Job passed the his test the first time. His family were killed and everything was destroyed. He lost everything. God allowed Satan to take away everything from him except Job himself. And he did it. Yet, he had chosen to bless God and worship Him. Well, that’s remarkable. That should do! He passed! The cruel fact is…its not the end. God did again. This time he offered Job to Satan. Satan was allowed to take away everything that is of him,….except his life. That is cruel! That is bad! God did it! God allowed it! The God of love and compassion allowed it.
I was speechless. I was dumped. This is not the God that I knew. It was shocking to me. That means to say that God allowed me plunged into such inner darkness and took away all my successes in ministry for His own pleasure? All because He wanted to proof Himself right? It’s back-stabbing! For a while I couldn’t accept this fact. I was very disturbed and unrest. I began to wonder what kind of God have I been worshipping all these years. It’s very scary.
I knew that the Book of Job was the only book that I could find some answer to this whole thing…I went on reading it….
End of PPP Reflection 2